Have any good jokes?

Try to keep them clean.

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Hi David ,

I've added it as a new discussion(topic)  click here to see

with new jokes add it as a new Discussion/topic and you will be able to add photos.

 

Cheers

John

 

David McKendrick said:

Nine day week


 

Mr Cadbury met miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. 

It was just After Eight. 

They got off at Quality Street . He asked her name. 

Polo, i'm the one with the hole she said with a Wispa. 

I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts he replied. 

He touched her Cream Eggs then slipped his hand into her Snickers. 

He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tac.

It was a Fab Moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But 3 days later his Sherbert Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett ,

And he had Allsorts!

ouch, oops!

Alli vs Ferocious:  two people were walking there dogs.  Each time the owners of both dogs would pass each other on the trial.  The owner of Ferocious would make a challenge to the owner of Alli.

Alli's owner warned him and did not want to let them fight; but Ferocious' owner called Alli a whimp who is always lying down.

 Alli's owner finally accepted the challenge.  In 10 minutes, Alli ate up Ferocious.

  Alli's owner said I warned you!

  Ferocious owner said I don't understand why your dog ate mine. Ferocious has never lost a fight.

Alli's owner said my dog is an alligator!

 


 
 
 
 
 Subject: FW: FW: Drafting guys over 60...!!
 

 

  


  

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

 

7C15407580AE4101B23100F886042EF5@justinPC

 

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to 
track down terrorists.  You can't be older than 42 to 
join the military.  They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. 
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take 
us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit 
until you're at least 35. 
 

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about 
sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about 
sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a 
cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  'My back hurts!  I can't 
sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe 
letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it 
will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.. 
 

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am.  Old guys 
always get up early to pee, so what the hell.  Besides, like I 
said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may 
as well be up killing some
 fanatical son-of-a-b****.  

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where 
we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number 
would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting 
screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.  We've also 
developed an appreciation for guns.  We've been using them 
for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the 
screaming and yelling. 
 

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've 
been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope 
hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after 
completing basic training. 
 

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've 
never seen anyone outrun a bullet. 
 

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still 
learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. 
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to 
shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm's way. 
 

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The 
last thing an enemy would want to
 see is a couple million pissed off 
old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know 
that their best years are already behind them.
 
 

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! 
You think MEN have attitudes??
 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on 
border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!
  

Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

 


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