Have any good jokes?

Try to keep them clean.

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AdminPermalink Reply by John Williams on August 23, 2011 at 6:39pm

Hi David ,

I've added it as a new discussion(topic) click here to see

with new jokes add it as a new Discussion/topic and you will be able to add photos.

Cheers

John

David McKendrick said:

Nine day week

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AdminPermalink Reply by Bob Cheney on September 3, 2011 at 7:28pm

Mr Cadbury met miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street . He asked her name.

Polo, i'm the one with the hole she said with a Wispa.

I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs then slipped his hand into her Snickers.

He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tic Tac.

It was a Fab Moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But 3 days later his Sherbert Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett ,

And he had Allsorts!

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AdminPermalink Reply by Pat Patteey, Admin on September 30, 2011 at 2:23pm

ouch, oops!

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AdminPermalink Reply by Pat Patteey, Admin on September 30, 2011 at 2:16pm

Alli vs Ferocious: two people were walking there dogs. Each time the owners of both dogs would pass each other on the trial. The owner of Ferocious would make a challenge to the owner of Alli.

Alli's owner warned him and did not want to let them fight; but Ferocious' owner called Alli a whimp who is always lying down.

Alli's owner finally accepted the challenge. In 10 minutes, Alli ate up Ferocious.

Alli's owner said I warned you!

Ferocious owner said I don't understand why your dog ate mine. Ferocious has never lost a fight.

Alli's owner said my dog is an alligator!

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AdminPermalink Reply by Bob Cheney on September 30, 2011 at 9:34pm

Subject: FW: FW: Drafting guys over 60...!!





New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to
track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to
join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take
us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit
until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about
sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about
sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a
cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't
sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe
letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it
will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys
always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I
said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may
as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-b****.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where
we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also
developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them
for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the
screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've
been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope
hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've
never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to
shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The
last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off
old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know
that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!!
You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on
border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.